Much like Turnbull in the senate, we were struggling for numbers. We had actually been looking alright until Sunday night, but Untouchables players seem to pull out late so often we should really be sponsored by Durex and this week we had a massive exodus in the 24 hours prior to the game. Luckily the White Walker was able to call his brother, Barry White to fill in and we at least had six.
Well we had six in theory. After running the Bruny island Ultra on Saturday, describing my legs as ‘a little sore,’ is an understatement of a similar magnitude to saying Tony Abbott is ‘A little bit of a problem,’ for Malcolm Turnbull, so I reckoned I was only worth about 75% of a normal player. To make matters worse we actually started the game with five (or 4¾ depending on what you classify me as) on the field. The Pirates made the most of their opportunity too, taking the opening tap and rushing it forward to overwhelm our right wing and score a try before we had touched the ball.
But we bounced back quickly. The power and pressure of La Nina created a disturbance in the Pirates’ defence and allowed the Collins Class Submarine to elude the defence in the right corner. Barry White then showed off some smooth moves, with a couple of sharp sidesteps to open up the Pirates’ defence to score our second; and soon after running onto a short pass to take the score to 3-1.
La Nina continued to be force on the game, giving off passes for the White Walker and myself to add to our score before half time, although we also conceded another when our left wing got caught too far inside. The Mona Lisa had our full attention (unsurprisingly) at half time, as she made some important points about how we could improve in the second half.
And improve we did. The Pirates started the half well again, scoring a diving try early, but then we hit back harder than Donald Trump reacts to a tweet. The White Walker ran over for his second try (well it was about his fourth but he always has half of them disallowed) before giving off a couple of wrap passes for another quick pair of tries to take our lead out to a very comfortable level.
The Pirates did get their fourth with a run by dummy half catching our defence out of position, but it was a brief reprieve for them. We were soon back in our attacking zone where Mona Lisa drove hard at the line and put La Nina into space to run over and score. Despite the fact that my legs felt heavier than the enormous government debt that Scott Morrison is continuing to let grow, I managed to run over for our tenth try after a bit of Fred Astair fancy footwork allowed me to evade a couple of players in the middle off the ground.
Due to one of the Pirates having the wrong shirt, we were also gifted a bonus try, although the difference between saying we won 10-4 and 11-4 is about the same as the difference between describing yourself as Alt-right or neo-nazi (they are the same in the practice). It looked like the scoreline of a comfortable win, although in reality we had been pushed pretty hard by the Pirates (and the refs) and playing without subs it was a fantastic effort. Although I am sure the Steczosaurus would prefer to know a little earlier if people aren’t available.