It’s hard not to be a proud parent. Children have that effect on us. I think it is important to make the point that I don’t think being a parent in itself is something I should be proud of. Whilst I would shy away from judging others’ parenting I don’t hold that all parents are ‘good parents’ and above reproach. I think it is more accurate to break down the role of parenting and assume that we do some things we might be proud of and others we wish we had done differently. But few parents I know actually feel much pride in their own parenting. It is our children themselves that make us proud. It is not dissimilar to how I feel proud of my friends and family when they achieve things, even when I have not really contributed to them. Just heaps more intense. And it isn’t the kind of things you might expect that make me proud of my little girl. I won’t take a lot of pride in when she walks or when she talks (although I will be excited and enjoy the moment). She isn’t in competition to try to reach milestones early. All babies will get there in their own time. I also take no pride from being told how cute or pretty she is (I’m writing a whole separate post about how I try to avoid adjectives about appearance when I’m talking to my daughter), but I take great pride and joy in the happiness she brings to others with her friendly curious nature and her huge smiles. In her young life I’ve also been really proud of certain moments where she has shown courage and resilience, such as how she handled her first day of childcare, her first swimming lesson or the first time she got sick (she seems a lot braver than her father in fact).
As she gets older I will continue to treasure these moments and the privilege of being able to observe them and I will also get to see other important characteristics like compassion and integrity. It will be these less-tangible moments that I will treasure more than her academic or sporting achievements. As I continue to rejoice in the new developments she makes, I also don’t want to forget the sense of pride and wonder I feel from tiny things my little girl does now. I want to be able to tell her all about every moment when she is older. To make sure I can recount these early events with the enthusiasm and wonder I felt at the time, I have started a list of moments that have made me particularly proud. I imagine I will add to it and read back over it many times in the future, both to remind my daughter how amazing she is and to remind myself of all the wonderful moments I have shared with her.
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Dad thoughtsI haven’t had much chance to write much over the last couple of weeks. This has largely been to do with the birth of my daughter, which has had a profound impact on my life. As a corollary of this, a fair amount of my thoughts and observations may shift to the new topic of parenthood. I’m not planning on stealing from Sonia Kruger’s playbook and use the phrase, “as a parent,’ to make claims with no factual basis, but parenthood is a complex and fascinating area so I will be making a few comments about my experience of it. Archives
October 2020
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