So I haven’t written much recently. This has certainly not been due to having less to say. There are currently more ideas for articles that I want to write floating around in my brain than I can keep track of. And whilst life has been particularly busy over the last few months and it would be convenient to attribute my lack of productivity to external factors and describe it as out of my control; this would not be entirely accurate. If I wanted to make time to write more I easily could have, without significantly impacting any other important aspect of my life. But I’ve actually made a deliberate decision to spend more time being non-productive. With everyone going on in life, I have certainly still been busy, but it would be highly disingenuous to claim I don’t have time that I could have used for writing.
Obviously there is a wide range of activities I consider as being productive and/or valuable including family time, work, socialising, training and day to day jobs that pop up. So I never really stopped being productive. I just became a little bit less and began utilising more of my spare time doing less of the things outlined above. Aside from prioritising being an active and present father, I’ve also taken on increased responsibilities at work and run a new marathon PB in recent weeks. But even in that context, it was surprisingly difficult to let go of a sense that I should be busier. Initially making the choice not to open the computer and instead to do something less purposeful felt odd. I almost felt guilty for not using my time better. I recognised this as fallacious reasoning- if I wasn’t going to enjoy writing, there was little point in doing it- but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t making the most of my time. Thankfully, after a week or so, I began to get more comfortable with the idea that just enjoying myself and looking after myself are also important uses of my time. I was then able to ‘give myself permission to be non-productive and even frivolous at times. I don’t know if others put themselves under similar pressure to always be doing something important or if it was just me. What I do know is that it was really important and beneficial for me that I was able to step back and realise that aside from looking after my family and doing the job I’m paid to do, every other challenge or goal I set for myself doesn’t actually need to be achieved. It has done little to lower my motivation and willingness to work towards challenging goals. It’s just given me a chance to revitalise mentally.
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