For the first time ever, I turned up to play with the Untouchables (that sounded a little ruder than I meant it to) and there was not a Stegosaurus in sight. I was a little afraid this could be the result of evolution finally catching up, but I was reassured to hear that was not the case and they will be back for the next game. Not only that, I had been unaware of the Stegosaurus breeding program which had so far yielded two offspring, suggesting the species is far from extinct and doing better than the black rhino.
Our opponents for the day were called Don't ruck with us (get it?- it took me a while) and true to their name they really didn't focus on rucking the ball quickly, instead opting to use the speed and agility of their players. They certainly had some quick players too, who were always looking to our defence on and exploit any gaps.
Being so close to Australia Day, the Untouchables were a little undermanned, but just managed to scrape a full team together, when the eligible Bachelor signalled his availability. Like any good bachelor he showed a determination to score repeatedly and little concern as to whether it involved the same person or someone new (although considerably more discerning taste than Mitchell Pearce).
A clever flick-pass by the Tool man put him away for his first, before quick play by the Bridge got us forward into attacking play and I was able to get it out him to double the score. He completed his first half hat-trick soon after diving into a gap. Not content with a three-nil lead, Archangel Gabby ran onto a no-look pass from King Richard and grounded it in the end zone only to have it disallowed for a pass that was more forward than Chris Gayle’s interview style.
The second half began in similar fashion, with the Untouchables defence continuing to strangle the opposition. The quick runners of Don’t ruck with us continued to probe for a break in our defence, making a number of attempts on the wings, where they were stopped every time by Potassium or the Archangel.
Meanwhile our strategy of rucking forward in a straight line and pushing our opponents back was about as sophisticated and varied as the Wicked Campers advertising strategy (seriously, I can't believe this is still going on), but it was really rucking up our opponents (see what I did there?) After another of these chains of possession, the Bachelor got free again (as he does) to receive another quick pass and score near the line.
Having three referees made a difference, particularly with offside being more strictly enforced. When the defence were too slow getting back onside the Toolman dished it out to me to run through from half way and make it five-nil. Despite the score and the difficulties they were having making progress, Don’t ruck with us played out the game with admirable spirit and sportsmanship. They scored a well-deserved try direct from the restart, when one of their players picked up the ball and weaved his way all the way through to the end zone. Despite our defensive efforts, his speed and agility made our chasing look as lacklustre as a Carlton Footballer’s and he scored with little difficulty.
The Untouchables responded to this by lifting the intensity further. King Richard scored one of his trademark tries, receiving the ball close to the line and diving over, before the Bachelor intercepted an ambitious pass in defence and ran the length of the field to score. In the final minute, King Richard found as much distance from the defence as Ted Cruz finds from the truth and scored an easy final try to make the score eight-one. With the ladder very tight, this might have been enough to lift us into fourth spot (you can see how well I research these reports when I say, “might”) so finals are definitely still in the equation. Bring on next week.